When it comes to chili, Texas, Kansas City and CincinÂnati, will cede no quarÂter, each conÂvinced that their parÂticÂuÂlar regionÂal approach is the only sane option.
Hot dogs? Put New York City and ChicaÂgo in a pit and watch them tear each othÂer to ribÂbons.
But pizÂza?
There are so many geoÂgraphÂic variÂaÂtions, even an imparÂtial judge can’t see their way through to a clear vicÂtor.
The playÂing fieldÂ’s thick as stuffed pizÂza, a polarÂizÂing ChicaÂgo local speÂcialÂty that’s deepÂer than the deepÂest dish.
Weird HisÂtoÂry Food’s whirlÂwind video tour of Every PizÂza Style We Could Find In the UnitÂed States, above, savors the ways in which varÂiÂous pizÂza styles evolved from the NeapoliÂtan pie that ItalÂian immiÂgrant GenÂnaro LomÂbarÂdi introÂduced to New York City in 1905.
Wait, though. We all have an acquainÂtance who takes perÂverse pleaÂsure in offÂbeat topÂping choicÂes — lookÂing at you, CalÂiÂforÂnia — but othÂer than that, isn’t pizÂza just sauce, dough, and cheese?
How much room does that leave for variÂaÂtion?
PlenÂty as it turns out.
Crusts, thick or thin, flucÂtuÂate wildÂly accordÂing to the type of flour used, how long the dough is proofed, the type of oven in which they’re baked, and phiÂlosÂoÂphy of sauce placeÂment.
(In BufÂfaÂlo, New York, pizÂzas are sauced right up to their cirÂcumÂferÂence, leavÂing very litÂtle crusty hanÂdle for eatÂing on the fly, though perÂhaps one could fold it down the midÂdle, as we do in the city 372 miles to the south.)
Sauce can also swing pretÂty wildÂly — sweet, spicy, preÂpared in advance, or left to the last minute — but cheese is a much hotÂter topÂic.
Detroit’s pizÂza is disÂtinÂguished by the incluÂsion of WisÂconÂsin brick cheese.
St. Louis is loyÂal to ProvÂel cheese, a homeÂgrown processed mix of chedÂdar, Swiss, and proÂvolone and liqÂuid smoke.
MiaÂmi pizÂzas cater to the palates of its Cuban popÂuÂlaÂtion by mixÂing mozÂzarelÂla with gouÂda, a cheese that was both wideÂly availÂable and popÂuÂlar before 1962’s rationing sysÂtem was put in place.
Rhode Island’s aptÂly named Red Strips have no cheese at all…which might be preferÂable to the Altoona, PennÂsylÂvaÂnia favorite that arrives topped with AmerÂiÂcan cheese slices or — the horÂror — VelveeÂta.
(This may be where we part ways with the old saw equatÂing pizÂza with sex — even when it’s bad, it’s still pretÂty good.)
Cut and size also facÂtor in to pizÂza pride.
WashÂingÂton DC’s JumÂbo slices are pretÂty much the stanÂdard issue New York-style thin crust slice, writ large.
Not only does size matÂter here, it may be the only thing that matters…to the point where a local busiÂness improveÂment disÂtrict had to interÂvene on behalf of sideÂwalk rubÂbish bins hard pressed to hanÂdle the volÂume of greasy super-sized slice boxÂes WashÂingÂtoÂniÂans were tossÂing away every evening.
In the land of opporÂtuÂniÂty, where smallÂer towns are underÂstandÂably eager to claim their piece of pie, Weird HisÂtoÂry Food gives the nod to Old Forge, PennÂsylÂvaÂnia, optiÂmistiÂcalÂly dubbed “the PizÂza CapÂiÂtal of the World by UncovÂerÂing PA’s Jim Cheney, and Steubenville Ohio, home of the “overÂsized LunchÂable” Atlas ObscuÂra refers to as America’s most misÂunÂderÂstood pizÂza.
For good meaÂsure, watch the PBS Idea Channel’s HisÂtoÂry of PizÂza in 8 slices, below, then rep your favorite local pizzeÂria in the comÂments.
We want to try them all!
RelatÂed ConÂtent
The First PizÂza Ordered by ComÂputÂer, 1974
When Mikhail GorÂbachev, the Last SoviÂet Leader, Starred in a PizÂza Hut ComÂmerÂcial (1998)
PizÂza Box Becomes a Playable DJ Turntable Through the MagÂic of ConÂducÂtive Ink
- Ayun HalÂlÂiÂday is the Chief PriÂmaÂtolÂoÂgist of the East VilÂlage Inky zine and author, most recentÂly, of CreÂative, Not Famous: The Small PotaÂto ManÂiÂfesto. FolÂlow her @AyunHalliday.