Charles MinÂgus, the innoÂvÂaÂtive jazz musiÂcian, was known for havÂing a bad temÂper. He once got so irriÂtatÂed with a heckÂler that he endÂed up trashÂing his $20,000 bass. AnothÂer time, when a pianist didÂn’t get things right, MinÂgus reached right inside the piano and ripped the strings out with his bare hands — a true stoÂry menÂtioned in the BBC docÂuÂmenÂtary, 1959: The Year that Changed Jazz.
But MinÂgus had a softÂer, nurÂturÂing side too. If you head to the offiÂcial Charles MinÂgus web site, you will find a copy of the Charles MinÂgus Cat ToiÂlet TrainÂing ProÂgram, a lovÂing litÂtle guide creÂatÂed for cat ownÂers everyÂwhere. The trick to potÂty trainÂing your cat comes down to edgÂing the litÂter box closÂer to the bathÂroom, evenÂtuÂalÂly placÂing the box on the potÂty, and then cutÂting a hole in the cenÂter of the box. Expect to spend about three weeks makÂing the tranÂsiÂtion. And who knows, MinÂgus says, your cat may even learn to flush. The full guide appears here. Or read it below:
1
First, you must train your cat to use a home-made cardÂboard litÂter box, if you have not already done so. (If your box does not have a one-piece botÂtom, add a cardÂboard that fits inside, so you have a false botÂtom that is smooth and strong. This way the box will not become sogÂgy and fall out at the botÂtom. The groÂcery store will have extra flat cardÂboards which you can cut down to fit exactÂly inside your box.)
Be sure to use torn up newsÂpaÂper, not kitÂty litÂter. Stop using kitÂty litÂter. (When the time comes you canÂnot put sand in a toiÂlet.)
Once your cat is trained to use a cardÂboard box, start movÂing the box around the room, towards the bathÂroom. If the box is in a corÂner, move it a few feet from the corÂner, but not very noticeÂably. If you move it too far, he may go to the bathÂroom in the origÂiÂnal corÂner. Do it gradÂuÂalÂly. You’ve got to get him thinkÂing. Then he will gradÂuÂalÂly folÂlow the box as you move it to the bathÂroom. (ImporÂtant: if you already have it there, move it out of the bathÂroom, around, and then back. He has to learn to folÂlow it. If it is too close to the toiÂlet, to begin with, he will not folÂlow it up onto the toiÂlet seat when you move it there.) A cat will look for his box. He smells it.
2
Now, as you move the box, also start cutÂting the brim of the box down, so the sides get lowÂer. Do this gradÂuÂalÂly.
FinalÂly, you reach the bathÂroom and, evenÂtuÂalÂly, the toiÂlet itself. Then, one day, preÂpare to put the box on top of the toiÂlet. At each corÂner of the box, cut a litÂtle slash. You can run string around the box, through these slashÂes, and tie the box down to the toiÂlet so it will not fall off. Your cat will see it there and jump up to the box, which is now sitÂting on top of the toiÂlet (with the sides cut down to only an inch or so.)
Don’t bug the cat now, don’t rush him, because you might throw him off. Just let him relax and go there for awhile-maybe a week or two. MeanÂwhile, put less and less newsÂpaÂper inside the box.
3
One day, cut a small hole in the very cenÂter of his box, less than an apple-about the size of a plum-and leave some paper in the box around the hole. Right away he will start aimÂing for the hole and posÂsiÂbly even try to make it bigÂger. Leave the paper for awhile to absorb the waste. When he jumps up he will not be afraid of the hole because he expects it. At this point you will realÂize that you have won. The most difÂfiÂcult part is over.
From now on, it is just a matÂter of time. In fact, once when I was cleanÂing the box and had removed it from the toiÂlet, my cat jumped up anyÂway and almost fell in. To avoid this, have a temÂpoÂrary flat cardÂboard ready with a litÂtle hole, and slide it under the toiÂlet lid so he can use it while you are cleanÂing, in case he wants to come and go, and so he will not fall in and be scared off comÂpleteÂly. You might add some newsÂpaÂper up there too, while you are cleanÂing, in case your cat is not as smart as Nightlife was.
4
Now cut the box down comÂpleteÂly until there is no brim left. Put the flat cardÂboard, which is left, under the lid of the toiÂlet seat, and pray. Leave a litÂtle newsÂpaÂper, still. He will rake it into the hole anyÂway, after he goes to the bathÂroom. EvenÂtuÂalÂly, you can simÂply get rid of the cardÂboard altoÂgethÂer. You will see when he has got his balÂance propÂerÂly.
Don’t be surÂprised if you hear the toiÂlet flush in the midÂdle of the night. A cat can learn how to do it, spurred on by his instinct to covÂer up. His main thing is to covÂer up. If he hits the flush knob acciÂdenÂtalÂly and sees that it cleans the bowl inside, he may rememÂber and do it intenÂtionÂalÂly.
Also, be sure to turn the toiÂlet paper roll around so that it won’t roll down easÂiÂly if the cat paws it. The cat is apt to roll it into the toiÂlet, again with the intenÂtion of covÂerÂing up- the way he would if there were still kitÂty litÂter.
It took me about three or four weeks to toiÂlet train my cat, Nightlife. Most of the time is spent movÂing the box very gradÂuÂalÂly to the bathÂroom. Do it very slowÂly and don’t conÂfuse him. And, rememÂber, once the box is on the toiÂlet, leave it a week or even two. The main thing to rememÂber is not to rush or conÂfuse him.
Bonus: Below you can hear Reg E. Cathey read The Charles MinÂgus CAT-alog for ToiÂlet TrainÂing Your Cat.
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This might be a bit outÂside the subÂject matÂter, but you can’t rip out the strings of a piano with your bare hands. Nobody, not even the great CharÂlie MinÂgus could have done that. The wood parts, sure. ApparÂentÂly even the BBC gets it wrong someÂtimes.
Destroyed a $20,000 bass? That’s asiÂnine. What an idiot.
Doug, I don’t know how much you know about Charles MinÂgus. He had a very, *very* bad temÂper at times, as JimÂmy KnepÂper, his tromÂbonÂist for many years, learned. MinÂgus has been dead since 1979, and probÂaÂbly wouldÂn’t have stood for being called an idiot. He could be self-destrucÂtive, angry, but not an “idiot”. And he might just as well have laughed at your words. Charles MinÂgus was seriÂous about his music. He also had an excelÂlent sense of humor and even betÂter appreÂciÂaÂtion of the absurd. Any black man in the U.S., cerÂtainÂly of MinÂgus’ genÂerÂaÂtion, would need those traits in order to surÂvive and thrive.
Half the stoÂries told about MinÂgus are susÂpect. Instead, lisÂten to a couÂple of his more approachÂable albums, such as Blues And Roots, or MinÂgus MinÂgus MinÂgus MinÂgus MinÂgus. You might appreÂciÂate his talÂents more and perÂhaps underÂstand his life a bit betÂter. Don’t know if you’ll see this, but best wishÂes.
Doug, apparÂentÂly you don’t know that things like these don’t hapÂpen as a result of a conÂscious deciÂsion, and bad temÂper is not equal to idioÂcy.
Doug, I am curious…if the instruÂment had been “worth” less, would Mr. MinÂgus have been less of an idiot, less “asiÂnine”?